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Showing posts with label parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parent. Show all posts
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Military Family Members and Anticipatory Grief
Wow. There's a name for it! And now I feel like I can attack it, if I know that it's there.
I mean, I KNEW it was there because of how everyone I know looks at me. Like they wish they could say or do something to make me better but they are afraid that no matter what they say/do...I'll start leaking again.
I mean, I KNEW it was there because of how everyone I know looks at me. Like they wish they could say or do something to make me better but they are afraid that no matter what they say/do...I'll start leaking again.
I hate that I make others feel uncomfortable around me when they only want me to be me again.
I opened GoArmyParents.com today and found this article posted and thought, "AHA! IT'S NOT JUST ME! I'M NOT GOING INSANE!!!"
So since it's not just me and I thought others might not be aware that THEY aren't the only ones going through it, I thought I'd share:
Anticipatory Grief by Kristin Henderson
While my husband, a Navy chaplain, was in Iraq with the Marines, I imagined a knock at my door. I imagined uniformed Marines telling me that my husband was dead. I imagined the funeral. I did this regularly until my husband was safely home in my arms.
I thought I was the only one with such a morbid imagination until I began researching my book about military families, "While They're at War." Chaplain Jeffrey Watters described how he and other chaplains on Fort Bragg, NC, had noticed a wave of grief sweeping through the families on the homefront.
"They were exhibiting the same symptoms as those who are grieving over a loved one with a terminal illness," Watters told me. Then he listed the symptoms.
My mouth dropped open. I'd had many of those symptoms during my husband's deployment. I had cried in the shower, sometimes felt like I couldn't get enough air, and one day in church had an almost uncontrollable urge to get up and run out. Not only did I not know all this craziness had a name -- anticipatory grief -- I didn't know there were techniques to cope with it.
It turns out that anticipatory grief is common among homefront families during a wartime deployment. We're so afraid of losing the one we love that our bodies start to react as if they're already dead. The symptoms include:
-- tightness in the throat or chest
-- shortness of breath
-- sensitivity to loud noises
-- forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating
-- agitation and restlessness, like an anxiety attack
-- extreme hunger or lack of appetite
-- crying jags
-- headaches
-- insomnia
-- drug use or excessive drinkingGrief is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a normal human emotion, and grieving people typically move through five phases: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance and hope. Not everyone experiences all these phases, and they may not occur in that order. But any of those responses are normal, even if the one you love is alive and kicking.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Countdown has begun
Mike deploys soon and my brain has begun the countdown. Every morning when I wake up... " ___ days until Mike leaves" plays in my head.
He seems to be handling the upcoming event as well as can be expected. He's on a bit of a roller-coaster. He fluxuates from being gung-ho to being pissed at the world for various things. Don't think this is new though, Mike's been pissed at the world for at least the last 7 years. Maybe longer. I do think this is a very emotional event for a group of guys who are being taught to kick emotion aside and deal with the facts at hand. From my point of view he is sort of purging his anger and getting it out of the way while it's still safe. I have a feeling it won't be back once he leaves US soil.
He's a good kid, er, I guess it's Man now, isn't it? He's a good man with a good head on his shoulders. I am sure he's going to be just fine.
I'll still worry, of course. That's my job, isn't it?
:)
He seems to be handling the upcoming event as well as can be expected. He's on a bit of a roller-coaster. He fluxuates from being gung-ho to being pissed at the world for various things. Don't think this is new though, Mike's been pissed at the world for at least the last 7 years. Maybe longer. I do think this is a very emotional event for a group of guys who are being taught to kick emotion aside and deal with the facts at hand. From my point of view he is sort of purging his anger and getting it out of the way while it's still safe. I have a feeling it won't be back once he leaves US soil.
He's a good kid, er, I guess it's Man now, isn't it? He's a good man with a good head on his shoulders. I am sure he's going to be just fine.
I'll still worry, of course. That's my job, isn't it?
:)
My New "Custom Proud Mom of a Deployed Soldier Shirt"
There are a bunch of these, so expect to see them when I'm not so tired. :)
I created these yesterday and thought I'd share. They are customizable if you check out the back (click the shirt to go to the page with more details). There is also a non customizable version without the back (makes it a few dollars cheaper) and I'm working on some that can print on white shirts, since white shirts are about $5 -$8 cheaper than the dark shirts.
Your comments and suggestions are welcome!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Phone call, promotion and graduation info
I got a 5 minute call today! :D
Mike is now PV2!! Hooah!!!!
He also said he's sending details (as soon as he gets them) about the graduation dinner. It's the night before so we'll have to zoom up there a little earlier than expected. Works for me!! I get to see him for more than a few minutes!!! :D
I was expecting to watch his graduation and maybe see him for 20 minutes, a few hours tops, on November 20. But getting to go to a dinner with him too is just awesome! Even if I have to share him with his Dad's family...if Mike is happy then I'm happy.
I also logged into his AIM account and let all his buddies know he wanted them to write to him. After asking him in this phone call, I put his address in the status window. I hope some of them write, he really is boosted by others writing to him. It means a lot when someone sits down and writes out (or even types) a letter and takes the time and makes the effort to send it. In this day of instant messages and instant gratification...most people just don't send letters through the mail anymore.
Ok, gotta fly and get some work done. Going to work on my Army store so I can start promoting stuff.
Oh, and I got approved to sell US Cavalry items through my sites as well!! That store just rocks!! LOL
now...really...going to work.
later!!
:)
Mike is now PV2!! Hooah!!!!
He also said he's sending details (as soon as he gets them) about the graduation dinner. It's the night before so we'll have to zoom up there a little earlier than expected. Works for me!! I get to see him for more than a few minutes!!! :D
I was expecting to watch his graduation and maybe see him for 20 minutes, a few hours tops, on November 20. But getting to go to a dinner with him too is just awesome! Even if I have to share him with his Dad's family...if Mike is happy then I'm happy.
I also logged into his AIM account and let all his buddies know he wanted them to write to him. After asking him in this phone call, I put his address in the status window. I hope some of them write, he really is boosted by others writing to him. It means a lot when someone sits down and writes out (or even types) a letter and takes the time and makes the effort to send it. In this day of instant messages and instant gratification...most people just don't send letters through the mail anymore.
Ok, gotta fly and get some work done. Going to work on my Army store so I can start promoting stuff.
Oh, and I got approved to sell US Cavalry items through my sites as well!! That store just rocks!! LOL
now...really...going to work.
later!!
:)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
We got a few letters today
I haven't written in a couple days due to running out of stamps and money and energy...tomorrow I'm going to buy lots of books of stamps and send out Mike's care package with prestamped envelopes and writing paper.
I'm excessively tired lately and I've not been able to keep up with anything here. I am trying to do too much and need to sit on my butt for one day and just read and relax. BAHAHAHAHA!! Like that will happen.
I'm still working but had to write something since my brain won't stop going over it...one of his letters had the dreaded sentence, "It's starting to look like we will be shipping out to Iraq or Afghanistan right after training." Now I know that was expected. I mean, he's in the Army, right? What else are they going to do with him?? But I was also thinking he was going back to PA after training for a while before he got any kind of orders to ship out of the country. And I didn't want to hear it. Period. I did start tearing up when I read that...but...then it stopped. I've not started crying yet. That worries me. It could get really ugly later. I'll be needing some serious blogtherapy later.
For now, I'm behind on work and need to feed kids and rescue the cat from the dog...so I will be back later!
I'm excessively tired lately and I've not been able to keep up with anything here. I am trying to do too much and need to sit on my butt for one day and just read and relax. BAHAHAHAHA!! Like that will happen.
I'm still working but had to write something since my brain won't stop going over it...one of his letters had the dreaded sentence, "It's starting to look like we will be shipping out to Iraq or Afghanistan right after training." Now I know that was expected. I mean, he's in the Army, right? What else are they going to do with him?? But I was also thinking he was going back to PA after training for a while before he got any kind of orders to ship out of the country. And I didn't want to hear it. Period. I did start tearing up when I read that...but...then it stopped. I've not started crying yet. That worries me. It could get really ugly later. I'll be needing some serious blogtherapy later.
For now, I'm behind on work and need to feed kids and rescue the cat from the dog...so I will be back later!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I think I've finally figured this out
But I could be wrong...so bear with me.
Mike's MOS is 19D and he's currently in BCT in the 5-15 Cav. Or is it Cavs? Cavalry? Not sure of the proper way to say that.
I'm trying to pretend I'm catching up on work today (that's where the link to technorati came from - me TRYING to focus on work) but then the mail came and no letters from Mike (darn), but the Army wants to send Mike a free water bottle for requesting more information about joining. LOL Talk about being a little too late.
So, when I actually finish work, I'm going to go check up on what's going on at GAP and see if I can't clarify my incorrect terminology when describing what troop, platoon, battalion, whatever, my kid is in.
Catch you all later!!
:)
Mike's MOS is 19D and he's currently in BCT in the 5-15 Cav. Or is it Cavs? Cavalry? Not sure of the proper way to say that.
I'm trying to pretend I'm catching up on work today (that's where the link to technorati came from - me TRYING to focus on work) but then the mail came and no letters from Mike (darn), but the Army wants to send Mike a free water bottle for requesting more information about joining. LOL Talk about being a little too late.
So, when I actually finish work, I'm going to go check up on what's going on at GAP and see if I can't clarify my incorrect terminology when describing what troop, platoon, battalion, whatever, my kid is in.
Catch you all later!!
:)
Claim Your Blog In Technorati
and get it listed in front of more people!
What is Technorati? According to BloggerForce.com it's "An Internet search engine that indexes and searches blogs. Technorati tracks blogs and other forms of citizen media, including video blogs (vlogs), podcasts and amateur movies and videos in real-time. All this activity is monitored and indexed within minutes of posting."
As a web developer and a blog designer, this is one thing I recommend to all my clients. I just thought I'd share it will all my fellow Military Bloggers.
Technorati Profile
What is Technorati? According to BloggerForce.com it's "An Internet search engine that indexes and searches blogs. Technorati tracks blogs and other forms of citizen media, including video blogs (vlogs), podcasts and amateur movies and videos in real-time. All this activity is monitored and indexed within minutes of posting."
As a web developer and a blog designer, this is one thing I recommend to all my clients. I just thought I'd share it will all my fellow Military Bloggers.
Technorati Profile
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Did you know that Soldier is a proper noun
and therefore needs to be capitalized?
I think Army Medic Dad explains it far better than I can over at goarmyparents.com (click this line to go there)
:)
I think Army Medic Dad explains it far better than I can over at goarmyparents.com (click this line to go there)
:)
Monday, August 4, 2008
Sending Care Packages to Soldiers
After cassee01 asked about a good place to contact about sending care packages, I did a little searching and then found the mother lode of all links regarding care packages and other things to boost Soldier morale.
You can find a long list at America Supports You
:)
You can find a long list at America Supports You
:)
Saturday, August 2, 2008
I've been keeping busy here
Michelle is sick this week and has somehow taken over my schedule. I think I might be feeling some guilt for not spending as much time with the kids as I should and I've gone too far in the wrong direction. Or maybe I just needed some extreme kid cuddle time. Anyway, she's feeling better and now I have to get back on track.
We are probably moving in about 2 months, and I have to get my butt up to the other house to get it in livable condition before I have to start moving furniture there. This is going to be a very interesting adventure. Due to crappy economy here, we are moving from 2400 sq ft. to 900 sq. ft. It's a temporary move until we can get things stable and then I'm finding a farm and planting my butt. I need some nature. This whole beach thing ain't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe if I had about 100 acres on the Gulf of Mexico that could sustain horses and a boat dock to go do some educational dives every day....THEN I'd be thrilled to live so close to water. But this is concrete and a man made beach, it's just not the same.
I'm writing to Mike tonight and sending pics of the new dog. I had to go get batteries today and now...I can't find my camera. I'll have to write my letter and wait til morning to get the pics. The girls had the camera, so I'll just wait til they are awake and ask them. The chaos of an impending move has the girls area of the house upside down (I'm slowing weeding out unused items and taking them to be donated.) It's not worth searching for it now.
I can't tell you how relieved I am to have heard from Mike. I felt so incredibly disconnected before we got letters from him. Like the bond that he and I have had since his birth was snipped and I was feeling a bit panicky. I'm not sure that makes sense to anyone, but it's the best description I could come up with.
Ok, got to get some work done. Thanks for listening to me spew my thoughts.
:)
We are probably moving in about 2 months, and I have to get my butt up to the other house to get it in livable condition before I have to start moving furniture there. This is going to be a very interesting adventure. Due to crappy economy here, we are moving from 2400 sq ft. to 900 sq. ft. It's a temporary move until we can get things stable and then I'm finding a farm and planting my butt. I need some nature. This whole beach thing ain't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe if I had about 100 acres on the Gulf of Mexico that could sustain horses and a boat dock to go do some educational dives every day....THEN I'd be thrilled to live so close to water. But this is concrete and a man made beach, it's just not the same.
I'm writing to Mike tonight and sending pics of the new dog. I had to go get batteries today and now...I can't find my camera. I'll have to write my letter and wait til morning to get the pics. The girls had the camera, so I'll just wait til they are awake and ask them. The chaos of an impending move has the girls area of the house upside down (I'm slowing weeding out unused items and taking them to be donated.) It's not worth searching for it now.
I can't tell you how relieved I am to have heard from Mike. I felt so incredibly disconnected before we got letters from him. Like the bond that he and I have had since his birth was snipped and I was feeling a bit panicky. I'm not sure that makes sense to anyone, but it's the best description I could come up with.
Ok, got to get some work done. Thanks for listening to me spew my thoughts.
:)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Another letter came today!
Mike wrote to his sisters, and they are thrilled! They are both writing back right now.
He did send an address for us to send mail to him now. So now we can write to him!!! Woohoo!!
I also just looked up how to get there, it's only 13 hours by car. And our route goes past Stone Mountain, Nashville, and then he's close to Churchill Downs so we can go check that out. (I'm a big horse junkie).
He says graduation is in November. No date yet, but I'm ecstatic with any information at this point so we'll just go with that...
:)
He did send an address for us to send mail to him now. So now we can write to him!!! Woohoo!!
I also just looked up how to get there, it's only 13 hours by car. And our route goes past Stone Mountain, Nashville, and then he's close to Churchill Downs so we can go check that out. (I'm a big horse junkie).
He says graduation is in November. No date yet, but I'm ecstatic with any information at this point so we'll just go with that...
:)
Monday, July 28, 2008
OMG! I GOT MY FIRST LETTER TODAY!!
I was sorting out some bills that came today, and found his letter stuck to the back of an electric bill!!! It's been here for hours and I didn't even know it!!!
I'm so happy I can't even think right now.
He didn't date it so I can't figure out how long it took, but he said in it that he won't have an address until the 21st and it was postmarked July 24th.
He sounds like he actually enjoys it!! He said how much he's learned, and how it's great when they work together. He's made some friends with the same MOS as him. The highlight of his letter was when he thanked my husband, Tom, (his step dad) for teaching him good work ethics and discipline. I thought Tom was going to cry. It made my heart fill up and get all warm seeing that written there. I'm sure Tom was just about to burst. He really has always made Mike push himself to do his absolute best, and when we pulled Mike from public school and started homeschooling him, Tom took him to our restaurant and put him to work on a regular schedule (he was 15 at the time). This is where a lot of his serious "training" came from. That kid was one of the best employees we ever had, and not just because he's my son. He worked hard, did what needed to be done, and never once complained because he got burned or because the kitchen was an average of 130 degrees every day. He was respectful to everyone, the customers LOVED him because he's just so nice and good looking. And yes, the waitresses also spent far too much time in the kitchen when Mike was working, but he'd most likely be embarrassed about all that.
I'm so overwhelmed with emotions right now...I cried because I didn't get a letter or a phone call...now I'm crying because I got a letter. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.
I need to work but now I might have to take 5 and have a cup of coffee and just enjoy this feeling. :D
I'm so happy I can't even think right now.
He didn't date it so I can't figure out how long it took, but he said in it that he won't have an address until the 21st and it was postmarked July 24th.
He sounds like he actually enjoys it!! He said how much he's learned, and how it's great when they work together. He's made some friends with the same MOS as him. The highlight of his letter was when he thanked my husband, Tom, (his step dad) for teaching him good work ethics and discipline. I thought Tom was going to cry. It made my heart fill up and get all warm seeing that written there. I'm sure Tom was just about to burst. He really has always made Mike push himself to do his absolute best, and when we pulled Mike from public school and started homeschooling him, Tom took him to our restaurant and put him to work on a regular schedule (he was 15 at the time). This is where a lot of his serious "training" came from. That kid was one of the best employees we ever had, and not just because he's my son. He worked hard, did what needed to be done, and never once complained because he got burned or because the kitchen was an average of 130 degrees every day. He was respectful to everyone, the customers LOVED him because he's just so nice and good looking. And yes, the waitresses also spent far too much time in the kitchen when Mike was working, but he'd most likely be embarrassed about all that.
I'm so overwhelmed with emotions right now...I cried because I didn't get a letter or a phone call...now I'm crying because I got a letter. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.
I need to work but now I might have to take 5 and have a cup of coffee and just enjoy this feeling. :D
Driving myself nuts while I wait
I need to make more shirts and maybe some coffee cups. bumper stickers. Anything to keep my too preoccupied to get depressed.
You'd think I'd never been able to deal with him being far away before. THAT I can handle. It's being out of touch that totally is no fun.
His sisters are really missing him a lot now too. I keep dreaming that I missed his call and he thinks I don't want to talk to him after that so he never calls me back.
For some reason I just think he's going to think this is all no big deal. He seemed surprised that I wanted to know when graduation was going to be and planned on being there. Maybe he just didn't realize before he left...IT'S A BIG DEAL!!!
Every other mom I see blogging seems so damned together! I wish I could just stop obsessing about him calling me or keeping me informed.
I'll go drive myself nuts while I make some more art...
See you all later!!
:)
You'd think I'd never been able to deal with him being far away before. THAT I can handle. It's being out of touch that totally is no fun.
His sisters are really missing him a lot now too. I keep dreaming that I missed his call and he thinks I don't want to talk to him after that so he never calls me back.
For some reason I just think he's going to think this is all no big deal. He seemed surprised that I wanted to know when graduation was going to be and planned on being there. Maybe he just didn't realize before he left...IT'S A BIG DEAL!!!
Every other mom I see blogging seems so damned together! I wish I could just stop obsessing about him calling me or keeping me informed.
I'll go drive myself nuts while I make some more art...
See you all later!!
:)
My "Army Sister" TShirt was on Today's Best Page on Zazzle!
And this one was Mike's birthday! How cool is that? I'm going to share it here since I'm pretty darn proud of getting on the Today's Best page (TWICE now!! LOL)...
Proud Army Sister TShirt by WendyMilonas
Click to visit My Zazzle Store where you can customize my designs!
Proud Army Sister TShirt by WendyMilonas
Click to visit My Zazzle Store where you can customize my designs!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Program for National Guardsmen's families going unused
I saw this in our local news and thought it would be good to spread the word: National Guard and Reserves Family Readiness Program going unused.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Happy Birthday Mike!!!
My son is officially 20 now. Happy Birthday Kid! :D
This has become quite the consuming thought for the last few hours. He's 20. It's his birthday. I don't even know what he's doing for sure. I'm positive he's not doing what he used to do on his birthday. I doubt the Army lets you sit around playing video games while you chat with 50 friends and eat Doritos.
My friends are trying to cheer me up. I hate to be down in the dumps but it's hard to kick the crappy mood today.
I keep wondering if he'll even call me at all. or write. I'll take a letter. I just want to know that he's ok.
I keep writing when I'm tired. I think that's when I lose control of my ability to suck it up and just roll with it. I need to post when I'm awake, alert and (hopefully) in a good mood.
I'm not sure why this is so different from him being up in PA, 1800 miles away. Of course, up there he had his dad's family to support him (not that they all did but some were there for him). He was working a really good full time job, AND driving a tow truck to help out his friend (no pay - just tips) AND he was a volunteer fire fighter. He also raced ATVs and Motorcycles when he could. He is not the kind of person to just sit and be safe. BUT he did call me at least every other day, sometimes he'd call every day for 4 days in a row. If he didn't call, I'd see him online.
I know that no one can guarantee that anyone is going to be safe. Even civilians get hurt or even die every day doing "safe" things. I guess I just have to leave it up to a higher power than myself to do what needs to be done. And I'll also have to learn to live with it.
This has become quite the consuming thought for the last few hours. He's 20. It's his birthday. I don't even know what he's doing for sure. I'm positive he's not doing what he used to do on his birthday. I doubt the Army lets you sit around playing video games while you chat with 50 friends and eat Doritos.
My friends are trying to cheer me up. I hate to be down in the dumps but it's hard to kick the crappy mood today.
I keep wondering if he'll even call me at all. or write. I'll take a letter. I just want to know that he's ok.
I keep writing when I'm tired. I think that's when I lose control of my ability to suck it up and just roll with it. I need to post when I'm awake, alert and (hopefully) in a good mood.
I'm not sure why this is so different from him being up in PA, 1800 miles away. Of course, up there he had his dad's family to support him (not that they all did but some were there for him). He was working a really good full time job, AND driving a tow truck to help out his friend (no pay - just tips) AND he was a volunteer fire fighter. He also raced ATVs and Motorcycles when he could. He is not the kind of person to just sit and be safe. BUT he did call me at least every other day, sometimes he'd call every day for 4 days in a row. If he didn't call, I'd see him online.
I know that no one can guarantee that anyone is going to be safe. Even civilians get hurt or even die every day doing "safe" things. I guess I just have to leave it up to a higher power than myself to do what needs to be done. And I'll also have to learn to live with it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I know he's busy but...
I sure wish I could just hear Mike telling me that he's ok and that things are going well for him.
I think I am doing pretty well during the daytime, but when I start to get tired...watch out! I get really depressed about this whole thing. I guess when pride overrides fear completely I'll stop sounding so whiney.
Maybe.
I really am proud of him. I feel bad that he thought he had no support from his dad and step-mom. I know he sounded mighty ticked off shortly after he told them he enlisted. I guess his step-mom has been pretty crappy to him the whole time he's known her, but his dad's reaction really hurt him I think. Why do people care more about their own feelings than their kids feelings? I never got that. I mean, sure I'm scared to freaking death that something is going to happen to Mike. BUT He's just gone off to fight for OUR country, something he did not have to do. HE CHOSE it. That's something to be PROUD of dammit! And you know he needed support before he left, not stress!! God forbid something happens to him and the last thing he remembers is being mad at his dad for not supporting him 100%. I can relate to not wanting to lose him, but I can also relate to taking those big steps and doing something you believe in, no matter how dangerous. No, I wasn't in the military but I did everything in my life on my own, and sometimes you gotta pull some courage out of places you didn't know you had...it just helps if you have someone behind you giving you a little bit of their courage when you can't find yours.
I did mention I was tired, right? I think I'm babbling.
Later all,
:)
I think I am doing pretty well during the daytime, but when I start to get tired...watch out! I get really depressed about this whole thing. I guess when pride overrides fear completely I'll stop sounding so whiney.
Maybe.
I really am proud of him. I feel bad that he thought he had no support from his dad and step-mom. I know he sounded mighty ticked off shortly after he told them he enlisted. I guess his step-mom has been pretty crappy to him the whole time he's known her, but his dad's reaction really hurt him I think. Why do people care more about their own feelings than their kids feelings? I never got that. I mean, sure I'm scared to freaking death that something is going to happen to Mike. BUT He's just gone off to fight for OUR country, something he did not have to do. HE CHOSE it. That's something to be PROUD of dammit! And you know he needed support before he left, not stress!! God forbid something happens to him and the last thing he remembers is being mad at his dad for not supporting him 100%. I can relate to not wanting to lose him, but I can also relate to taking those big steps and doing something you believe in, no matter how dangerous. No, I wasn't in the military but I did everything in my life on my own, and sometimes you gotta pull some courage out of places you didn't know you had...it just helps if you have someone behind you giving you a little bit of their courage when you can't find yours.
I did mention I was tired, right? I think I'm babbling.
Later all,
:)
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